
UPDATE: The material below is reproduced from Mrs. Birch’s Class6b website. I have recently received news from Mrs. Birch herself that she continues to be active as a professional disciplinarian in Sydney, Australia and is in the process of revamping her website. I can provide contact details for anyone wishing to get in touch with her and will keep readers informed of further developments.
MRS BIRCH - RULES FOR STRICT DETENTIONS - CONTINUED:-
To ensure work is done properly, miscreants are required to tear out the page themselves if they make a single mistake. Each page must be correct with no errors, no crossing out, no letters gone over twice to try and correct a mistake. If a mistake is made the page must be removed. Simple. No matter how small the mistake. An error is an error.
This creates rather an unpleasant quandary for the miscreant. If he writes quickly he will finish the exercise and be dismissed early and without further penalty. However, if he writes quickly, he is more likely to make an error. In the event of an error that page is removed and he must recommence from the start of that page. This provides for delay. If he writes too slowly in order to show the utmost care and minimise mistakes, he not only suffers a longer detention, he risks a caning for not finishing on time. And he must still continue with his imposition on his sore bottom! This keeps detentions a strenuous mental exercise too!
It is a joy to watch the face of a naughty boy when he makes a mistake and realises he must remove the page and start again! Even more so when he is at the bottom of the page. Their face can be quite a picture to watch as they try to see if there is any way to cover it up. Then the realisation sinks in that they must remove the page and start again.
Some detainees tend to make too many mistakes. This is because they are rushing. It certainly shows a lack of care. Accordingly only two mistakes are permitted. If a third mistake is made then the detainee receives two strokes of the tawse when the page is torn out. For each and every page thereafter he receives three cuts of the cane when the page is removed.
The detainee can be allowed to get almost to the end of the page. Then his work may be checked. Errors can then be pointed out and the offending page removed. They will usually have tears in their eyes as a whole pristine page is removed to the garbage bin and they are politely ask to present themselves for the tawse!
A miscreant may only ask a question if they raise their hand and await permission. This is rarely granted. If they leave their hand in the air too long though they may be punished for not getting on with their work! If they shuffle their feet they are greeted with the tawse. If a stool creaks they are tawsed. If they make a sigh they are paddled. If they make a noise when they turn the page they are caned. Fidgeting or a fidgety pupil will soon find his buttocks bared for the paddle.
Punishment uniform rules should be administered strictly too. Uniforms are inspected and should be neat and tidy, shirt tucked in, collar stiff and starched, tie straight, socks straight and shoes polished. The cane will ensure the uniform remains neat and tidy.
If a detainee moves his legs or raises his feet, the inside of his thighs should be well and truly spanked by a hairbrush, and his ankles strapped together and secured to the stool.
A ten minute break is allowed every three hours. Detainees may not be excused from the detention room for any other reason. If a miscreant asks for an early break the answer is "No". This advice is punctuated with two strokes of the cane! Detainees will be allowed exactly ten minutes and must be back at their desk, pen in hand, ready to start writing by the time the second hand reaches the ten minute mark. Late arrivals are caned. During the break pupils are allowed as much tap water as they wish to drink and are allowed to go to the toilet. They must of course remember that it will be three hours before they may visit the toilet again.
Since the detention room has no clock and no windows, victims are unable to chart their progress. They are forbidden to gaze around anyway. Watches are banned in detention. This makes the task more onerous as the detainee is unable to gauge how long they have been toiling, how long they have to go, or when the next toilet break is. They are totally dependent upon the whim of the Mistress taking the detention. One can be cruel when a pupil is obviously straining to visit the toilet and hold him back a few extra minutes. Most amusing...
Long detentions offer the extra delight of special detention meals:-
Evening Meals: Twelve yellow squash are boiled for two hours and then partly drained. The drained water should be kept for a drink after the meal. The squash are then mashed, or preferably pureed, and left to go cold. A large potato is also boiled for forty minutes and then mashed with a small amount of pre-prepared, powdered milk only. No seasonings are used. The mashed potato is left to go cold in the refrigerator. The water may again be saved for his refreshment breaks. When both are cold, about two hours after preparation, they may be served together. They are to be consumed within thirty minutes of starting the meal; together with the water from the squash. No seasoning or sauces are allowed and impeccable table manners are expected. He should eat in silence.
Lunches Cold, dry sandwiches with a very thin smear of meat paste or jam (I think you call this jelly in America.) or dripping; together with a glass of vegetable juice or fruit juice. Sandwiches are to be made at breakfast time and left out until lunch time to go to a little stale.
Breakfast Farex or a similar babies powered breakfast cereal is used. This is mixed with water only and stirred so it is very thick and lumpy. This is particularly tasteless when served in this manner. Cold toast with dripping is also served.
Snacks If you consider snacks are required at any time in his five minute breaks then serve baby's rusks and baby food only.
Yes, when pupils are placed in strict detention they are visibly shaken by the dire fate that awaits them, hour upon hour of mind numbing toil, punctuated only by the pain of the cane! And that's how it should be. It is meant to deter unacceptable behaviour!
Well - I don't know about you dear readers - but that it a punishment I really would work hard to avoid!
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